baby.prep

There is so much to think about when you're getting ready for a baby. It's almost overwhelming. I guess the trick is to just take it one day at a time. Baby names, nursery ideas, pregnancy symptoms, nauseousness (still...sometimes), registries - there's so much to be done! But now that I'm in the second trimester, things have gotten so much easier. I have more energy (I say that while I yawn, HA!), I'm not nearly as sick, and I actually want to start planning and preparing. I definitely couldn't say that just a few weeks ago.

So here's what I've done so far:

Garage sales: Wes and I spent one recent Saturday morning garage saling specifically for Baby. :) It was so much fun! We spent about $25 and came home with a baby carrier/car seat in great condition, a monkey bouncer - also looking brand new, and several onesies and cute tiny baby girl clothes. Yay!

Window Shopping: I've been to Babies R Us, Target, and Buy Buy Baby. There's just too much to take in. I still haven't figured out just exactly where I'm going to register. But we still have time for that.

Nursery: Since I had a whole day off on Monday for Labor Day and we decided to stay home this year, I took some time to gather my thoughts and ideas for the nursery. I'm trying to be as frugal as I can and still make it adorable! After all, diapers are NOT cheap!
So here's my nursery in box:

And the best part? Everything you see in the picture cost me under $15. Here's the breakdown:

Crib quilt: My mom had it at home. Maybe it was mine when I was little. I don't remember it, but
yep, it was free.

Curtains: $1 At a garage sale awhile ago, I found these pink flowery curtains. There are 4 large panels, and we only have one window in the nursery, so I'm going to take the extra fabric and make a crib skirt. It matches so perfectly!

Tissue Paper Pom-Poms: I already had these ones lying around the house, but I'll make a bunch more to hang in the corner somewhere (and use some brighter colors). Each pom-pom will cost about $2.

Cardboard Letters: Once we pick a name, I'll buy some letters from Hobby Lobby ($2.50 each) and wrap them with yarn or something like that. I'll decorate them somehow.

Bunny: Bunny was mine when I was little. Just a little something sentimental.

Half-circle Banner: I bought a package of assorted scrap fabric from Hobby Lobby for $10 and sewed it up. It's not quite finished yet. I'm going to use some bright yellow bias tape to sew them all together. I'll probably hang it from the dresser. And I think I'll take it to the hospital to decorate her bassinet. Hospitals need some cheering up for sure.

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In just 2 weeks, I'll be at the halfway point of my pregnancy. What?! It took so long.....but it went so fast! I think I'm just confused. We got to see our little girl a couple days ago, and it's amazing how much she changes from one appointment to the next. She has a spine now! I'm really excited for next month's appointment. We'll really get to see her up close. It'll be the level 2 ultrasound where they check all the organs and all that. How fun!

happy.news

Waiting 3 months to write a post is kinda like starting all over. But in a way, I feel like I am starting all over. There have been so many changes in the past few months, my life is completely different now.

Change #1:
After I finished up at ORU in May, I had the opportunity to began working at Foundation Church as their Communications and Marketing Director. That began in July and I've really been enjoying it.

Change #2:
Summer is over, Wes is back at school, and all the activities have begun again. So it's that time of the year when life gets hectic for us.

Change #3:
I've been really slacking in the decorating and interior design projects around the house. I've been too lazy and honestly haven't really cared about it much. All I do is sleep and the hallway is only halfway painted...because...

Change #4:
I'm pregnant! This Friday marks 15 weeks that Baby Atkinson has been baking in my belly. We're so excited! Last week we found out what we're having, so on Saturday we had a little gender reveal party for some of our family and friends. Hillary and Trina helped to plan and decorate, and it looked just precious. We played a few games before we cut the cake and one of them was a game to try to figure out the gender. Trina and Hillary asked me a bunch of questions based on old wives tales and according on my answers, we could try to determine whether it would be a girl or boy. And the funny thing was, all my answers pointed to it being a girl. Of course, those were just wives tales, the real proof was in the pudding...well, the cake. So when the time came, Trina cut the cake and everyone found out that in February 2013 the Atkinson's will be welcoming a little baby GIRL into the world! How weird that every single one of the wives tales was correct. Either way, we're very very happy. And I'm especially excited that I can dress her up with little pink bows and ribbons, dresses, and shoes!

recovery.and.healing

I mentioned in a previous post how April was just a really bad month for me. At the time, I wasn't ready to share, so I haven't blogged much in the past month or two. But I kept a journal and wrote in there often and now I feel ready to share.

Towards the end of March, Wes and I found out we were pregnant. It was wonderful. It was the best feeling in the world. I was so excited, so nervous. April 11 was our first doctor's appointment. It didn't go well. We were told it looked like a molar pregnancy. I didn't know what that was and I was scared. April 19 I had a D&C surgery to remove everything and determine whether is was a molar pregnancy or not. Thankfully, it wasn't. It was just a normal miscarriage.

Throughout the month of April and into May, I journaled my thoughts, my feelings, and my emotions.

April 13, 2012

Maybe later I'll understand, but for now, I'll just cry. Why? Why me? Why now? Two days ago I went to the doctors to see my little baby and hear its little heartbeat. I eagerly waited as they set up the ultrasound. Then nothing. There was no baby. There was no heartbeat. Only tissue, tissue that at one point had been my baby. Wes just held my hand as the doctor told us what was going on.

How can such a happy, exciting moment turn so quickly into something so terrible, so heart wrenching? Now I'm stuck in this in-between phase, deciding whether I should have the D&C or wait for my body to naturally miscarry. It has to be that way. Why?

God seems so far away. How can a loving Father watch his child go through this and suffer? It seems so cruel. But I know He has a plan and that all things work for good to those who love Him. I don't see it though. How could anything good come out of this? This may be the hardest thing I've ever been through. It'll get better. It has to get better.


May 2, 2012

It's May. It's a new month and hopefully new beginnings. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday to check up on everything and get results from the surgery. It was good news. Thankfully, I did not have a molar pregnancy, just a normal miscarriage. The baby made it to about 7-8 weeks. The good news is none of this should affect our chances of getting pregnant again and having a normal healthy pregnancy.

I'm really glad for some good news. It's still been really tough at times. A few days ago, I just couldn't stop crying. All I could think was that in only 6 more weeks, I would've known if it was a boy or girl. And now that we know how far along we were, the due date would've been the same week as my sister's birthday. It's just overwhelming, challenging, and very sad at times.

But in that hour and a half that I cried the other day, God gave me a few Bible passages to get me through. First, He pointed out my all-time favorite verse(s) Proverbs 3: 5-6.

     "Trust in the Lord with all you heart
     And do not lean on your own understanding.
     In all your ways acknowledge Him,
     And He will make your paths straight."

Then he brought back to me Psalm 23. I must have read it twenty times over and over.

     The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures;
     He leads me beside quiet waters.
     He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness
     For His name's sake.
     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
     I fear no evil, for You are with me;
     Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
     You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
     You have anointed my head with oil;
     My cup overflows.
     Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
     And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Things are getting a lot better. With the good news yesterday, we are once again getting excited to start a family.


May 16, 2012

It's been a month since I found out I was having a miscarriage. And in two days, it'll be a month since my surgery. Each day, I feel so much better. Even as I mourn over the loss of our 8 week old baby, I can now look to the future. I'm getting excited. Each day brings me closer and closer to being able to try again.

Everything feels so different, too. I've learned so much through this experience. Through those weeks when I was pregnant, I was constantly worried. I had this horrible nagging feeling that something wasn't right. I joined a community board for November mothers online, which only made it worse. But even through that, I didn't want to give it over to God. I wanted a baby so bad. I thought as long as I did everything right, everything would be okay. I didn't want God messing up my plan. But even as I went to my first ultrasound, I wasn't surprised. It had never felt quite right all along.

I was devastated and I knew I was wrong. I did need God; I do need Him. I let go of the reigns of my life, my plans, my goals...and I gave them back to Him, where they belong. And everything turned around. He comforted me and helped me move on. He showed me how much I need Him in EVERY area of my life. My life has become so good, so easy once again. I'm not scared or concerned about the future, and I'm only excited and ready for the family God has for us in His timing.

sneak.peek

This week has been a crazy, tiring, and fun week.We kicked it off last weekend with a bunch of DIY projects. We sanded, stained, and painted the TV console/credenza and a small end table. Of course we also got our new hutch for the kitchen which looks amazing! Wes fixed up some broken and loose chair legs from our dining table set and we spent hours making the yard look good. But why the sudden inspiration? My parents came to visit! This is the first time they have seen our house since we've moved in, so I wanted to be sure it looked perfect!

With family, work, church, getting sick (boo), and all the other things we somehow accomplished this week, I haven't had time to put together pictures of our nearly completed kitchen and living room. But here's a sneak peek or two:

I am so in love with our new hutch!

TV console/credenza in the garage right after I finished staining and painting

Only a few more things to do before the kitchen and living room are complete! Can't wait to show it off!

project.kitchen

As much as I love blogging, and as much as I keep reminding myself to do it, it's not always as easy as it sounds. It's especially hard when the whole month of April has seemed like one never-ending bad dream and I just don't want to talk about it. But things are beginning to brighten up and it's getting easier to move on. There's one thing I've been constantly reminding myself:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

And in the meantime, I have been working on a few projects here and there. Project Kitchen is nearing an end. The walls are finally painted a cheery yellow and with time the intensity has started to fade. Thank goodness. I would still like to re-upholster the chairs, but I'm almost finished making/hanging curtains and decorating in general. After searching for months for the perfect hutch for the right price, I finally found one on Craigslist just a few days ago. Wes and I are going tonight to pick it up. I'm so excited! It's like Christmas! There's a perfect space for it on the wall behind the table. I think it's really going to make the kitchen. It's white right now, and I think I'll leave it that way, but I'm thinking of pulling some lavender from the living room and painting the back panel a light purple. Here's my inspiration:

Two-toned painted hutch

Two-toned painted bookcase

 And here's the picture from Craigslist of my hutch:

Be on the lookout for the completed Project Kitchen. I'll be sure to post before and after pictures and track the progress from the whole experience. It's so much fun!

refocusing.priorities

I really love to think. Lots of times I give myself free time just to think. Usually, it'll be at times when I'm just thinking that great ideas and inspiration just pop into my head. But sometimes I become too scatterbrained to focus on just one thing. I get too busy, or am too excited about too many things at once. That's kinda how it's been with my blog for awhile. I often think of all these topics I really want to write about, then I forget or get too carried away with another idea that I don't give myself time to just sit down, concentrate, research, and write about just one thing.

So this post is an experiment, an exercise really to see if I can just get my focus straight. In my brain, my thoughts are all jumbled, I have a hard time remembering anything, even if I just thought it a split second ago. And my mind races, stopping here and there to dwell on something, but not long enough to form an opinion or really understand it. Often, the best way for me to spit out what I'm actually thinking and organize it in a reasonable manner is to write.

That's what this experiment is all about...sorting through my thoughts from the last month or so. I probably sound crazy. I'll be the first to admit I am nothing like a normal ordinary person. And I've finally accepted it and am now trying to figure out how I can be as efficient as possible using the gifts and talents God has given me in fulfilling the desires God has placed on my heart (which are many).

There are many areas of my life. My personal relationship with God, my husband, my family, my church, my job(s), and me. It's the first time in my life that I really have had to think about and prioritize everything in my life. I'm just too busy to do it all. One thing has always remained constant. If I talk to God before I begin anything else in my day, life is easier. Not physically easier necessarily, but He gives me strength to complete everything that needs to be done. I don't stress out. Anyone who knows me well knows that I hate to be in charge. I will do whatever you ask me to do. Simple. Done. But don't ever ask me to lead. I am a follow the leader type girl. If there's nothing to follow, I freak out, I stress out, and I panic all at the same time. It's not pretty. But when I give it to God, He's my leader, and even if I am technically the leader, He is still in control and leading me. It just makes life so much easier.

So in order to focus on what's important to me, I wrote a list of the things that I want to do, some new, and some that I am already doing but want to improve on:


God
*devotion time
*prayer
*journal
*boldness

Wes
*respect
*encourage
*keep my word

Family
*call
*write letters/cards

Church
*step back - worship
*others

Home
*organization
*diligence
*finances

Job
*preparation for lessons
*advertising

Me
*paint
*garden

I feel like my life is finally organized! It's great to have goals or a target point to work towards. It makes life so much less complicated. You should try it, too.

baby.fever

I think I have baby fever. No, I don't even think....I know....and especially after hanging out with this little cutie:

Baby Oliver Photo Shoot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How can you resist?