fall.is.here

Fall is here! My favorite time of the year! Cold evenings, hot chocolate, butternut squash soup, orange colors, falling leaves, pumpkin pie, sweaters and mittens. I love it.

A few weeks ago for our Life Group, we had a "soups and chili" night since it was rainy and cold. Perfect weather for our meal. I made butternut squash soup and pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. Yummy! I'm mad now that I didn't think to take a picture. Oh well. It was delicious though!

With the whole pregnancy, I've been feeling so out of the loop. Normally, I would have been thinking fall in September, but somehow it just slipped by me until it started getting cooler outside. Then it just hit me, and I got really excited. So to go with our soups and chili and the colder weather, I finally got around to decorating for Fall.

Last year, I didn't really decorate the front entryway since we lived in an apartment. This year, though, I decided to buy a few mums and a pumpkin to put on my front porch. And it looks so cozy.

My sister, Jess, and her boyfriend, Leo, on my front porch.

I'm still debating on how I should decorate the mantle. I've been looking for ideas on Pinterest and found a few that I like. We'll see....I'm not set on anything right now....maybe I'll start thinking Christmas.

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On a side note, I'm at 24 weeks this Friday. Over halfway to seeing our little girl! I cannot wait to meet her! She's been so active lately, kicking and moving all around! It weird to watch my whole stomach shift as she moves. I can usually see exactly where her head and feet are. So exciting! I registered last weekend and found the perfect bedding set! I finally know what color I'm going to paint the nursery, so now it's just a matter of getting the paint. And if I think of it this way....there's only 8 weeks til Christmas, then only 8 weeks after that until my due date!!! She'll be here before I know it!

21 weeks

baby.prep

There is so much to think about when you're getting ready for a baby. It's almost overwhelming. I guess the trick is to just take it one day at a time. Baby names, nursery ideas, pregnancy symptoms, nauseousness (still...sometimes), registries - there's so much to be done! But now that I'm in the second trimester, things have gotten so much easier. I have more energy (I say that while I yawn, HA!), I'm not nearly as sick, and I actually want to start planning and preparing. I definitely couldn't say that just a few weeks ago.

So here's what I've done so far:

Garage sales: Wes and I spent one recent Saturday morning garage saling specifically for Baby. :) It was so much fun! We spent about $25 and came home with a baby carrier/car seat in great condition, a monkey bouncer - also looking brand new, and several onesies and cute tiny baby girl clothes. Yay!

Window Shopping: I've been to Babies R Us, Target, and Buy Buy Baby. There's just too much to take in. I still haven't figured out just exactly where I'm going to register. But we still have time for that.

Nursery: Since I had a whole day off on Monday for Labor Day and we decided to stay home this year, I took some time to gather my thoughts and ideas for the nursery. I'm trying to be as frugal as I can and still make it adorable! After all, diapers are NOT cheap!
So here's my nursery in box:

And the best part? Everything you see in the picture cost me under $15. Here's the breakdown:

Crib quilt: My mom had it at home. Maybe it was mine when I was little. I don't remember it, but
yep, it was free.

Curtains: $1 At a garage sale awhile ago, I found these pink flowery curtains. There are 4 large panels, and we only have one window in the nursery, so I'm going to take the extra fabric and make a crib skirt. It matches so perfectly!

Tissue Paper Pom-Poms: I already had these ones lying around the house, but I'll make a bunch more to hang in the corner somewhere (and use some brighter colors). Each pom-pom will cost about $2.

Cardboard Letters: Once we pick a name, I'll buy some letters from Hobby Lobby ($2.50 each) and wrap them with yarn or something like that. I'll decorate them somehow.

Bunny: Bunny was mine when I was little. Just a little something sentimental.

Half-circle Banner: I bought a package of assorted scrap fabric from Hobby Lobby for $10 and sewed it up. It's not quite finished yet. I'm going to use some bright yellow bias tape to sew them all together. I'll probably hang it from the dresser. And I think I'll take it to the hospital to decorate her bassinet. Hospitals need some cheering up for sure.

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In just 2 weeks, I'll be at the halfway point of my pregnancy. What?! It took so long.....but it went so fast! I think I'm just confused. We got to see our little girl a couple days ago, and it's amazing how much she changes from one appointment to the next. She has a spine now! I'm really excited for next month's appointment. We'll really get to see her up close. It'll be the level 2 ultrasound where they check all the organs and all that. How fun!

happy.news

Waiting 3 months to write a post is kinda like starting all over. But in a way, I feel like I am starting all over. There have been so many changes in the past few months, my life is completely different now.

Change #1:
After I finished up at ORU in May, I had the opportunity to began working at Foundation Church as their Communications and Marketing Director. That began in July and I've really been enjoying it.

Change #2:
Summer is over, Wes is back at school, and all the activities have begun again. So it's that time of the year when life gets hectic for us.

Change #3:
I've been really slacking in the decorating and interior design projects around the house. I've been too lazy and honestly haven't really cared about it much. All I do is sleep and the hallway is only halfway painted...because...

Change #4:
I'm pregnant! This Friday marks 15 weeks that Baby Atkinson has been baking in my belly. We're so excited! Last week we found out what we're having, so on Saturday we had a little gender reveal party for some of our family and friends. Hillary and Trina helped to plan and decorate, and it looked just precious. We played a few games before we cut the cake and one of them was a game to try to figure out the gender. Trina and Hillary asked me a bunch of questions based on old wives tales and according on my answers, we could try to determine whether it would be a girl or boy. And the funny thing was, all my answers pointed to it being a girl. Of course, those were just wives tales, the real proof was in the pudding...well, the cake. So when the time came, Trina cut the cake and everyone found out that in February 2013 the Atkinson's will be welcoming a little baby GIRL into the world! How weird that every single one of the wives tales was correct. Either way, we're very very happy. And I'm especially excited that I can dress her up with little pink bows and ribbons, dresses, and shoes!

recovery.and.healing

I mentioned in a previous post how April was just a really bad month for me. At the time, I wasn't ready to share, so I haven't blogged much in the past month or two. But I kept a journal and wrote in there often and now I feel ready to share.

Towards the end of March, Wes and I found out we were pregnant. It was wonderful. It was the best feeling in the world. I was so excited, so nervous. April 11 was our first doctor's appointment. It didn't go well. We were told it looked like a molar pregnancy. I didn't know what that was and I was scared. April 19 I had a D&C surgery to remove everything and determine whether is was a molar pregnancy or not. Thankfully, it wasn't. It was just a normal miscarriage.

Throughout the month of April and into May, I journaled my thoughts, my feelings, and my emotions.

April 13, 2012

Maybe later I'll understand, but for now, I'll just cry. Why? Why me? Why now? Two days ago I went to the doctors to see my little baby and hear its little heartbeat. I eagerly waited as they set up the ultrasound. Then nothing. There was no baby. There was no heartbeat. Only tissue, tissue that at one point had been my baby. Wes just held my hand as the doctor told us what was going on.

How can such a happy, exciting moment turn so quickly into something so terrible, so heart wrenching? Now I'm stuck in this in-between phase, deciding whether I should have the D&C or wait for my body to naturally miscarry. It has to be that way. Why?

God seems so far away. How can a loving Father watch his child go through this and suffer? It seems so cruel. But I know He has a plan and that all things work for good to those who love Him. I don't see it though. How could anything good come out of this? This may be the hardest thing I've ever been through. It'll get better. It has to get better.


May 2, 2012

It's May. It's a new month and hopefully new beginnings. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday to check up on everything and get results from the surgery. It was good news. Thankfully, I did not have a molar pregnancy, just a normal miscarriage. The baby made it to about 7-8 weeks. The good news is none of this should affect our chances of getting pregnant again and having a normal healthy pregnancy.

I'm really glad for some good news. It's still been really tough at times. A few days ago, I just couldn't stop crying. All I could think was that in only 6 more weeks, I would've known if it was a boy or girl. And now that we know how far along we were, the due date would've been the same week as my sister's birthday. It's just overwhelming, challenging, and very sad at times.

But in that hour and a half that I cried the other day, God gave me a few Bible passages to get me through. First, He pointed out my all-time favorite verse(s) Proverbs 3: 5-6.

     "Trust in the Lord with all you heart
     And do not lean on your own understanding.
     In all your ways acknowledge Him,
     And He will make your paths straight."

Then he brought back to me Psalm 23. I must have read it twenty times over and over.

     The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures;
     He leads me beside quiet waters.
     He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness
     For His name's sake.
     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
     I fear no evil, for You are with me;
     Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
     You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
     You have anointed my head with oil;
     My cup overflows.
     Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
     And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Things are getting a lot better. With the good news yesterday, we are once again getting excited to start a family.


May 16, 2012

It's been a month since I found out I was having a miscarriage. And in two days, it'll be a month since my surgery. Each day, I feel so much better. Even as I mourn over the loss of our 8 week old baby, I can now look to the future. I'm getting excited. Each day brings me closer and closer to being able to try again.

Everything feels so different, too. I've learned so much through this experience. Through those weeks when I was pregnant, I was constantly worried. I had this horrible nagging feeling that something wasn't right. I joined a community board for November mothers online, which only made it worse. But even through that, I didn't want to give it over to God. I wanted a baby so bad. I thought as long as I did everything right, everything would be okay. I didn't want God messing up my plan. But even as I went to my first ultrasound, I wasn't surprised. It had never felt quite right all along.

I was devastated and I knew I was wrong. I did need God; I do need Him. I let go of the reigns of my life, my plans, my goals...and I gave them back to Him, where they belong. And everything turned around. He comforted me and helped me move on. He showed me how much I need Him in EVERY area of my life. My life has become so good, so easy once again. I'm not scared or concerned about the future, and I'm only excited and ready for the family God has for us in His timing.

sneak.peek

This week has been a crazy, tiring, and fun week.We kicked it off last weekend with a bunch of DIY projects. We sanded, stained, and painted the TV console/credenza and a small end table. Of course we also got our new hutch for the kitchen which looks amazing! Wes fixed up some broken and loose chair legs from our dining table set and we spent hours making the yard look good. But why the sudden inspiration? My parents came to visit! This is the first time they have seen our house since we've moved in, so I wanted to be sure it looked perfect!

With family, work, church, getting sick (boo), and all the other things we somehow accomplished this week, I haven't had time to put together pictures of our nearly completed kitchen and living room. But here's a sneak peek or two:

I am so in love with our new hutch!

TV console/credenza in the garage right after I finished staining and painting

Only a few more things to do before the kitchen and living room are complete! Can't wait to show it off!

project.kitchen

As much as I love blogging, and as much as I keep reminding myself to do it, it's not always as easy as it sounds. It's especially hard when the whole month of April has seemed like one never-ending bad dream and I just don't want to talk about it. But things are beginning to brighten up and it's getting easier to move on. There's one thing I've been constantly reminding myself:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

And in the meantime, I have been working on a few projects here and there. Project Kitchen is nearing an end. The walls are finally painted a cheery yellow and with time the intensity has started to fade. Thank goodness. I would still like to re-upholster the chairs, but I'm almost finished making/hanging curtains and decorating in general. After searching for months for the perfect hutch for the right price, I finally found one on Craigslist just a few days ago. Wes and I are going tonight to pick it up. I'm so excited! It's like Christmas! There's a perfect space for it on the wall behind the table. I think it's really going to make the kitchen. It's white right now, and I think I'll leave it that way, but I'm thinking of pulling some lavender from the living room and painting the back panel a light purple. Here's my inspiration:

Two-toned painted hutch

Two-toned painted bookcase

 And here's the picture from Craigslist of my hutch:

Be on the lookout for the completed Project Kitchen. I'll be sure to post before and after pictures and track the progress from the whole experience. It's so much fun!

refocusing.priorities

I really love to think. Lots of times I give myself free time just to think. Usually, it'll be at times when I'm just thinking that great ideas and inspiration just pop into my head. But sometimes I become too scatterbrained to focus on just one thing. I get too busy, or am too excited about too many things at once. That's kinda how it's been with my blog for awhile. I often think of all these topics I really want to write about, then I forget or get too carried away with another idea that I don't give myself time to just sit down, concentrate, research, and write about just one thing.

So this post is an experiment, an exercise really to see if I can just get my focus straight. In my brain, my thoughts are all jumbled, I have a hard time remembering anything, even if I just thought it a split second ago. And my mind races, stopping here and there to dwell on something, but not long enough to form an opinion or really understand it. Often, the best way for me to spit out what I'm actually thinking and organize it in a reasonable manner is to write.

That's what this experiment is all about...sorting through my thoughts from the last month or so. I probably sound crazy. I'll be the first to admit I am nothing like a normal ordinary person. And I've finally accepted it and am now trying to figure out how I can be as efficient as possible using the gifts and talents God has given me in fulfilling the desires God has placed on my heart (which are many).

There are many areas of my life. My personal relationship with God, my husband, my family, my church, my job(s), and me. It's the first time in my life that I really have had to think about and prioritize everything in my life. I'm just too busy to do it all. One thing has always remained constant. If I talk to God before I begin anything else in my day, life is easier. Not physically easier necessarily, but He gives me strength to complete everything that needs to be done. I don't stress out. Anyone who knows me well knows that I hate to be in charge. I will do whatever you ask me to do. Simple. Done. But don't ever ask me to lead. I am a follow the leader type girl. If there's nothing to follow, I freak out, I stress out, and I panic all at the same time. It's not pretty. But when I give it to God, He's my leader, and even if I am technically the leader, He is still in control and leading me. It just makes life so much easier.

So in order to focus on what's important to me, I wrote a list of the things that I want to do, some new, and some that I am already doing but want to improve on:


God
*devotion time
*prayer
*journal
*boldness

Wes
*respect
*encourage
*keep my word

Family
*call
*write letters/cards

Church
*step back - worship
*others

Home
*organization
*diligence
*finances

Job
*preparation for lessons
*advertising

Me
*paint
*garden

I feel like my life is finally organized! It's great to have goals or a target point to work towards. It makes life so much less complicated. You should try it, too.

baby.fever

I think I have baby fever. No, I don't even think....I know....and especially after hanging out with this little cutie:

Baby Oliver Photo Shoot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How can you resist?

i'm.so.spoiled

Valentine's Day was very special this year. It's hard to believe Wes and I have celebrated Valentine's Day together for 4 years now. Last year, Wes went all out, surprising me with a shopping spree to get a new dress for our outrageously elaborate and expensive dinner date. This year, we did the opposite - saved money and spent the evening at home. And I loved it! When I got home, Wes was standing in the doorway with beautiful pink roses and delicious chocolates. So cute. For dinner, we made chili together and a red velvet cake for dessert. Then we got all comfy cozy in some nice warm flannel pj's, and cuddled up on the couch and watched a cute movie. So romantic.

But that's not all. On Saturday, Wes took me to get a NEW CAR! We bid farewell to our super unreliable and altogether unwelcome Jeep and hello to my new (new to me) bright yellow Chevy Aveo! It's super cute and fits me well. I'm so spoiled. Thanks Wes!

painting.our.house

This week our house has been a work in progress. I feel like we should have caution tape all around to designate the 'wet paint' areas. That's right, we finally started painting our house! Last week, for my birthday, Wes took me to Lowe's to pick out paint, stain, and other supplies for our big project. I was so overwhelmed and so excited all at the same time. We picked out paint for the kitchen, living room, and music room, and some more paint and stain for the furniture in the living room. Wes and I are both pretty new at all this, so we weren't sure exactly how everything was going to turn out. But thankfully, our friend Andi is a painting pro and he came over to help.

Project #1 - The Kitchen
The kitchen was the hardest room for me to pick a color. I didn't know if I wanted to go with a minty green or light aqua blue, a darker greenish color, or yellow. Too many decisions. I finally decided on yellow. I really wanted a butter yellow color, but it turned out more like a banana yellow. It's bright, but I like it. It's starting to grow on me for sure.

Before:

 

In Progress:

Still needs one more coat of paint.

Project #2 - The Living Room

I chose a very light lavender for this room. It's actually almost white, but I really wanted to brighten up the room and make it nice and cheery. Of course, the whole wall of windows helps, too.

Our ceilings are super high, and Wes and I really weren't sure how we were going to manage, even with a ladder. But it was no problem for Andi. He just set up his little rig and got to work. Thanks Andi! It looks awesome!

In Progress:

This is how it all looked the next morning: [sorry for the blurry picture]

Now it's time to make all those fun curtains and pillows! I'm so excited to decorate my house!

Project #3 - The Music Room

At the moment, the music room is going to stay a surprise. I'm not even going to tell you what color(s) we painted. I'll just say this: The theme is jazz, and I'm going big and bold. I have so many ideas and I can't wait to start decorating! It's going to look so good! But y'all have to wait for the grand reveal. Sorry, no sneak previews.

new.journey.part.2

I feel like these fast few months have been the start of a transition period in my life. I talked about it recently in my new.journey post. It's time for me to move on and do what God is leading me to do. I'm still in the process of discovering what all that entails, but it's starting to become clearer to me. There are two areas where God is guiding me right now. The first is music. My little private lesson studio is growing; I now have 6 students! Wes and I made a deal, too. If I can get just 7 more students, we can start trying for a baby! BEST MOTIVATION EVER! I'm probably more excited about that than anything! I'm determined now. I even made myself a business card:

I had to make the back cute, too!

So if you know anyone in the Tulsa area who would like piano or violin lessons, give me a call!

The second area is with church. In the past few months, I have been greatly involved with Foundation Church. Wes is a Creative Arts Associate in the instrumental department and recently I have taken over the Visual Arts area of the Creative Arts department. I know God is calling me to this area in the church and I'm really enjoying it. Not only am I involved with the day to day graphic design, I am also building and working with the stage design team, construction crew, drama team, computer team, and video filming/editing team.

Recently, the church went through a name change. What used to be Ridgeway Baptist Church is now Foundation Church. And with that came many changes.. New logo, new color scheme, new stage design, new signs, new bulletins, new EVERYTHING! Visually, the biggest change was the stage. Together with Wes, Monte, Andi and a group of construction team helpers, we spent a solid weekend reconstructing the stage. This is what the stage looked like originally:

 Monte asked me what I thought we should do to change it up. This is what I came up with:

And this is the final result:

Definitely a huge change from what it was. We painted the walls, doors, and trim black. We constructed trusses from PVC pipe and spray painted them silver. We constructed back panels with chloroplast and screen door mesh, and hung spandex in the middle and on the sides. Then we rewired and reprogrammed the lighting system. Not too bad for a bunch of people who have NEVER done anything like this before! We really didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. But it was so much fun! I can't wait to do it again!

That was definitely the biggest change so far, but we've also been experimenting with video. We'd like to get back into doing video announcements, too. So far, we've completed a 2 minute video testimonial and are in the process of another one. I've never had the opportunity to be a part of anything like this and I'm loving it!

fabric.frenzy

It's been awhile, not surprising really. Life has kept me pretty busy, but not busy enough to keep me from thinking and planning my summer. Yeah, I know it seems like a long way away, but I'm so looking forward to it! I should start a countdown. Today I was looking at fabrics for pillows and curtains. I guess I got all antsy since we got a new couch this week. Amazingly, we got it for FREE from some friends at church. It's a slightly odd color, kind of gold, but really big, comfy, and in great condition. It looks brand new. The gold color looks pretty bad with our beige/tan house, but lucky for the couch, I want to change all that anyway. Picture this: a gorgeous brightly colored Monet painting above the fireplace, light lavender almost white walls, a large comfy goldish couch and a mix match of pillows with the fabrics below. Dream home love. 

 

new.journey

Have you ever just stepped back and looked at your life? What you do, what you love, what you hate, what you stress out about?  Just the overall picture. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Maybe it's just because I have a lot of time on my hands, or because I feel a change on the horizon. Lately, I just haven't had that settled feeling that I'm used to. You hear of people who say that God talks directly to them, telling them what to do and where to go for every decision that they need to make. That's great, I won't say He doesn't talk to people like that, but it has never really worked that way for me. At least not often. For me, it's pretty simple. I pray for direction and guidance, and He guides me. God doesn't audibly speak to me, but He does speak to me through His Word and a special nudging. I don't know if God talks to other people this way or not, but for me it's like I can do what I want and feel is right and as long as God's okay with it, I'm fine. But if God has something else in mind, He nudges me. It's like a little constant unsettled feeling until He reveals His plan and I get back on track.

I know what this feeling is like, and it's happening right now.

I've never been bold enough to write about things like this until after the fact. How do I know for sure that I'm hearing God and not just thinking it myself? How do I know this feeling is not just me going crazy? I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty certain. I've gone through this process enough before that it's starting to become recognizable.

There have been times before when I've ignored this nudging, but it doesn't go away...for awhile, yes, but not for too long. It's like God gives me some time to think about it then comes back and says, "Are you ready to listen to Me now?" It's embarrassing when I think about it. How can I really think I know what I want more than my Creator?!

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start digging in deeper to God's Word to get some answers. It's amazing how that works every time. And with my new and increasing revelation of what I have in and through the Holy Spirit, I can already tell this journey is going to be different from all the rest.

whirlwind.of.festivities

With all the craziness of the season, and the business of moving, I haven't been able to write about everything that's going on. One major event, and one of the firsts that I mentioned in my last post, was Christmas dinner. This year was my first Christmas EVER away from my Pennsylvania home. I did miss all our traditions and spending time with my family, but I made the most of it and really enjoyed my Oklahoma Christmas. It was a whirlwind of events for sure. In basically a week, we packed, moved out of the apartment, moved into the house, unpacked, and hosted a Christmas dinner for Wes' family. Thankfully, Wes and I both had a nice long vacation from work to accomplish everything. We had a very merry Christmas!

Preparations

This was our first night in our new house. We set up our Christmas tree, danced, laughed, and finally fell asleep on an air mattress next to the Christmas tree. This will forever be one of my favorite memories.

Wes had to give Lucy a Christmas haircut before the big day. She looks so cute now!

Oh Christmas Tree!  Oh Christmas Tree!

Christmas Eve

After church on Christmas Eve, we spent the evening at Wes' parents house. We had a cookie decorating contest, ate lots of food, and opened lots of presents! P.S. I got a piano, a CHI, a sewing machine, and a Vera Bradley bag!

Christmas Day 

My first turkey! Even though it took an hour and a half to get the neck out, the result was well worth the effort.

 

 

 

I made a Banana Cream Pie just for Wes and a Cherry Pie using my own secret family recipe. Yummy!

Now that it's all said and done and I sit back and take it all in, I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am. God has truly blessed me with such a wonderful, loving, caring, and talented husband, a beautiful house, and great family and friends. I am so thankful for all He has given me. And this season of celebration belongs to Him more than anyone else. Happy Birthday Jesus!

new.year.resolution

There were many firsts this year for Wes and me. I graduated college, we celebrated our first anniversary, I started my first full time job, we bought our first house, and I made my first Christmas dinner. It's been an exciting and wonderful year, and I'm looking forward to what the future brings in 2012.

With every new year, many people resolve to do something new or better. New year resolutions are often unrealistic, and there tend to be so many things that you want to change or do better, that within a week or two, with a guilty conscience, you're burned out and ready to quit. Last year I decided it wasn't worth it, so I went with a simple resolution that Wes came up with for me to spend time being creative and doing the things I love. And really, it was easier said than done. Life gets in the way, and suddenly there isn't much time to paint, sew, and write a blog. But I was consistent and succeeded. I've enjoyed journaling with this blog, sewing, crocheting, photographing, and painting. It's been a good year for my 2011 resolution.

So here's my 2012 resolution. I stepped it up a notch, so it's going to be harder to keep. But it's important for our future. My new year resolution is to make a chart of our current financial status with one section dedicated to maintaining a working budget and the other a set of goals to pay off things like student loans, our car loan, and our recent mortgage. It's going to be difficult, but it's a step in the right direction.